Sunday, 29 June 2014

How to stay positive on bad days.

How to cope with the bad days? 

I've just struggled to have a bath. I'm feeling exhausted, weak, nauseous and light headed. I have weird tingling feelings in my arms and a muscle by my ribs having a twitching frenzy. I cannot stand to be dirty, so force myself to have a bath, but when i'm getting breathless and wiped out just washing, I know it's a bad day.
I'm used to these days. I've had more than I care to remember. I've had much better days but also much worse days too, so I need to remind myself of that. 
I used to be bed bound for weeks on end and can remember all too clearly just how poorly I can feel. So I need to try to stay positive and get through this difficult day. BUT that's not always easy. I know how fortunate I am. I have friends who suffer with this illness far worse than me. I never let myself forget how they suffer and just how much more awful it could be. I also know how much better it could be.
I've missed yet another family get together today, for my auntie's birthday. I just couldn't do it. I didn't even have the energy to get ready, let alone sit in a restaurant, talking to people for a few hours. Talking is one of the things that utterly drains me. The pain i'm in today too would have made it all just too much to go through.
My wrists seem to be in a flare up and hurt and ache so much. It feels like a constant pressure of pain. I'm having to type this in sections as it's hurting to type, but I need to get these feelings and thoughts out. I need to voice it to someone, just so I can try to get rid and get on with the rest of the day. 

I class myself as a positive person. After many very bad years, mentally and physically, I feel like i'm much stronger mentally. I don't let myself focus too much on the crap. I don't allow myself to get too down. I try not to feel sorry for myself and always remind myself of how lucky I am.  I take pleasure in the little things now. I've readjusted what I expect of myself and my life. I know what I can do is limited and I try to just enjoy what I can do and get through the payback I experience every time I do anything remotely normal. I concentrate on hobbies and doing little things that make me happy. I concentrate on all the good things I have, like my wonderful family.

It's just when I have days like this.. I struggle a little. I know I should allow myself to have a wobble occasionally. I'm not a robot and i'm far from perfect. I know there are many worse off than me, but I also know that what i'm feeling is real. The pain is real. The worry is real. I am allowed to feel fed up and annoyed that a day is going by without me making the most of it. I can't do what i want to do. My house is a mess. I don't have the energy to tidy. I can't paint furniture that I want to. I can't redecorate my tiny little hallway like I want to. I can't take my dog for a proper walk. I can't go out.
That allows me to feel a bit pissed off I suppose. BUT i don't want it to get the better of me. So I just need to let it be what it is and hope that tomorrow is better. Que Sera. 

Right, back to the sofa for me. Let's hope the football coming up is a good match to focus on and my doggie is up for more cuddles.